Slapp Happy Says: The City of the Retarded

When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth.


Favorite quote for Dead Rising, except they rose by mutated wasp queens planting eggs in them. I find that hard to believe, but this is CAPCOM, so that would make sense to them. Like in Resident Evil, the T-Virus and G-Virus were transported via rats. Which begged the question: how did the rats survive the mutations while other species didn’t?

Anyway, back to the new zombie killing game. Instead of four people, there’s just you, and 7000 zombies all in one sitting. Instead of finding a shit ton of loaded weapons lying around, you have melee weapons, and anyting can be used as a weapon. And I mean, ANYTHING can be used as a weapon (except for food, of course).

The game sets up some time after the events of DR1, where ex-motocross champion Chuck Greeeeeeeene and his daughter escaped an outbreak in Las Vegas. He goes from one game to another, bringing big money so he can buy Anti-zombie drugs for his infected daughter. So, instead of taking pictures for your rep, you have to bring Zombrex to your daughter to keep her from turning.

Bad things, like all zombie/horror movies, happen as someone releases stored zombies for a reality game show on killing zombies. So, another outbreak occurs, and this time, Chucky is framed for the outbreak, even though we know he didn’t do it. EPIC PLOT TWIST!!!!

You have five things to do constantly in this game.

1. Rescue survivors-just because it’s an outbreak doesn’t mean that everybody got fucked up. There are still some people, and rescuing them gives you points to learn new moves and new weapons. They can wade through hordes of zombies like nothing, but after so many survivors, they will ask you for money. Note: Ignore the Survivors in the beginning. They can’t be rescued!

2. Solving CASES-there are the main missions which moves the story forward. These get you to know who started the outbreak and who framed Chuck. Also, pop some corn, because you get to watch cut scenes. Yay for cut scenes.

3. Fighting Bosses-Unlike Resident Evil, where the bosses are so large and have ridiculous amounts of health, and the room is either tight or too cramped; there are human bosses in which you go up against. They have massive health bars and can eat something to regain more health than you can from an orange juice. They are the psychos that kill Humans for some reason and the zombies won’t even go for them, which pisses me off.

4. Getting Zombrex-One thing you must do when the time comes is get a drug for your terminally ill child. Your support character reminds you to get Zombrex and administer it to her. Zombrex, the drug to prevent infected humans from becoming zombies, is very rare and very expensive. It is also rare to get it from survivors you escort.

5. KILLING ZOMBIES!!!!!- 7000 Zombies on a screen. You and multiple weapons. Have fun!!!

Besides the whole side missions and main mission, where you’re timed on (sucks), the graphics are good, especially the expressions on the face and the voice acting is good. The only thing that is terrible is that you get knocked down by the bosses and you can’t knock them down. The fuck! They’re Human, not fucking terminators. Another option is that you can combine weapons to make killer new weapons, like a chainsaw and a broom stick, but not a knife and a bamboo stick. Some combos can be used for killer and gruesome moves, even if it’s for shits and giggles because it’s a novelty.

I recommend this game if you are a fan of the undead and want to survive an zombie apocalypse and a fan of MegaMan, because someone at CAPCOM certainly is. If you don’t because you think it’s scary, then you haven’t seen scary to the point where it makes you POOP YOUR PANTS!!!